The Loving Type

Anton was 10 when he realised that he was truly different from others of his own age, and even from people who were much older than him. He had always felt different. Somehow he has always had a feeling that he did not belong, that he wasn’t likehis friends or family. He felt of his own kind, he felt that there was a fundamental difference between him and the rest of humanity.

‘Do I really belong here?’ Anton would often ask himself. ‘Do I belong with these people, to this world?’

The biggest difference between him and others was that Anton had always had a feeling deep inside that told him to love the world and to others others. He felt this immense love inside him, and he was bursting to share it with the world. The love was there all day long and all night long. Anton could not help it but to show it and share it with others. The love felt like his long-standing companion that was there are the deepest and darkest of the moments, that was there to witness his happiness, that was there in peace.

Anton showed his love to whoever he came across with. He showed to the elderly lady at the local corner shop when he went to buy chewing gum, he showed it to his teacher at school when he was handing in his homework, he showed it to his younger sister when he was reading her a story, he showed to his mum when he was helping her with cooking, he showed it to his dad when they were watching TV together, he showed it to his friends when they were playing football, he showed it to his neighbour when he helped her with watering the flowers. Anton showed the love that lived inside of him without even once thinking that it may not be appropriate to do so.

But people around Anton did not seem to appreciate the act of showing his love to them. Over and over again, Anton did not receive any love back, but rather cold and distant comments on how he was too sensitive, soft and at the whim of others’ disposal.

Anton’s dad told him to toughen up: ‘Otherwise people will take advantage off you, my son’.

Anton’s mum told him to grow up to be a man: ‘This is the only way for you to show the women around you that you are a strong, masculine man.’

Anton’s sister told him to become more like a proper big brother: ‘Who will protect me otherwise when there is a need.’

Anton’s friends started calling him Antonella: ‘You are more like a girl than a guy.’

There were times when Anton felt defeated. He felt that others did not accept him as he was and that he was not allowed to be himself. There were times when he felt depressed and alienated. But Anton always bounced back from those times. He came back fighting strong, he came back with the need to prove to others that he was fine as he was and that he would not change just for them.

‘I am who I am and I have this love to show others, and I will not let them defeated me’, he would tell himself every night before falling asleep.

One day Anton was walking home from school when he saw a sign on the roadside saying that a local farm had many young guinea pigs that they wanted to give to good homes. Anton stopped and stared at the sign. Something inside of him was telling him to go to the farm to see these small, fluffy creatures. He had an urge to hold one, to show this tiny creature his love and to tell the creature that together they could conquer the world.

Fifteen minutes later Anton emerged from the farm carrying a basket, in which there was a long-haired mix-coloured guinea pig.

‘We will be together from now on’, Anton whispered to the guinea pig. ‘You and I, we will be together and fight the world together.’ He patted the guinea pigs soft head and its big eyes turned to look at Anton. It let out a guinea pig sound of satisfaction.

Anton’s parents were not happy to see the new arrival to the family, but Anton would not hear a negative comment about his new love. He arranged a small fenced space for the guinea pig in their back garden and organised a comfortable space for it to roam around and to the the grass. Anton had not felt this happy for a long time. Now he had a friend that he could share his love with, who he could show affection and receive love back. Anton reached for his new friend and felt the warmth radiating out of the tiny being. He felt that there was a strong bond between them already.

Anton and his new friends grew up together. They went through Anton’s early puberty, mood changes, self-exploration and identity development, hand in hand. The new friend provided Anton with the unconditional love that he had never before felt in his life and that he needed in the fragile time of being a teenager. The love was so significant to him that Anton could not imagine a life without this small creature. When all the people around Anton made him feel that they did not understand him, this small animal gave him all the affection that he needed.

Anton’s mum thought that the bond between Anton and the small hairy animal was strange.

‘Anton, you need to spend more time with your friends rather than with this non-human entity’, she would say. ‘What is so special about this animal? In the end, that is what he is. He is just an animal that can’t speak or think logically. What are you going to do when he dies?’

Anton had never felt as offended by comments as he did when his family and friends cirtised his small friends. How come the others could not see that this little creature was the most precious thing in his life and how the little friends was also bursting with life, just as Anton was? Who has ever said that humans are better than any other creatures on this planet?

One evening Anton walked over to the local grocer’s to pick up some carrots for his friend. He picked up the juiciest carrots from the brown box and happily started walking back home when, all of a sudden, a group of three young men emerged from around the corner and blocked his way. Anton could recognised the boys from his school.

‘Oy, where are you going, softie?’ One of the shouted and pushed Anton by his arm. Anton lost his balance temporarily and stumbled into a lap post.

‘What do you have in your bag?’ The second boy hissed and took Anton’s bag from him. ‘Oh, carrots. Are these for your beloved hamster?’

The boys laughed in unison and two of the pushed Anton at the same time. This time Anton totally lost his balance and fell on the sidewalk. His ankle got caught under his full body weight and he felt a sharp pain. One of the boys kicked his ribs. A flash of pain shot through Anton.

Within in a second, Anton could not see anything. All he could sense was a bright, yellow and white colour that grew stronger and stronger by the minute. Anton could feel his head heavy on the sidewalk and his body feeling warm under the radiant light. He felt this body very heavy and he was not able to move it. All he could dow as to see the light and to feel a strange sense of acceptance, approval and caring deep inside him. He felt as if he had returned home from a long journey in a foreign land.

After a while that felt like a lifetime, Anton was able to open his eyes. He saw a lady with long blond wavy hair in a white dress look over him. He felt the light radiate out of her. And he could see that she was holding the bag of carrots in her hand. The gang of boys were gone.

‘Are you OK, Anton?’ The lady asked him. ‘Did you hit your head badly?’

Anton shook his head. Everything seemed to be fine and he didn’t even feel any pain.

‘I am fine’, he said hesitantly. Who was this lady? ‘Can I ask you, who are you?’

The lady smiled a bright smile and looked deep into Anton’s eyes. ‘Oh, I am a local. I have seen you and your family before in this area, which is why I know your name. Do not worry. I am here to help you.’ She took Anton’s hand and helped him to sit up. She also offered Anton the bag of carrots. ‘These are for your little friend, I believe. Luckily I could scare the boys away before they did damage to the carrots.’ The lady laughed a warm, heartful laughter.

Anton looked at the lady carefully. She somehow looked familiar, but he could not tell where he knew her from.

‘All is well’, the lady smiled. ‘You can go home now. Your parents are waiting. They are waiting for your love. Even if they never say it or may not even be aware of it, they live off your love. Everyone around baths in your love. They just don’t know how to return it or what to do with it. But this is your gift. Your gift is to show love, to spread love and to share your love with others. Do not waver from your bath, do not stop loving, even if others make you feel that you should. This is your mission on this earth. This is what you are meant to be doing.’

With the final words, the lady was gone in a blink of the eye.

Anton stood there on the sidewalk, mesmerized and puzzled. Who had this lady been? He stood there thinking about the beauty of the lady. He had seen her somewhere before. Ah, yes, he had seen her in his dream! A week before he had had a very vivid dream, in which a lady dressed in white and yellow had floated around in a dream-like state. The lady had smiled in a blissful state and her long hair and dress had floated in the slight wind. Anton remembered that he had woken up from the dream, smiling, feeling peaceful and calm. Was this the same lady? Anton was sure that she was. How come this lady had been in his dream and then turned up here to help him? Was she his guardian angel?

All these questions whirled around in Anton’s mind, as he started walking home.

He felt elated and full of love, which he knew he would share with his family and guinea pig as soon as he got home.