Helper in Modesty

Annie was three years old when her mother fell terminally ill with malaria. Her mother had been Tanzania on a work trip, administering injections and giving free medicine to locals suffering from HIV. She has been careful, taking malaria tablets and all other necessary vaccinations in advance. Yet, she had contracted yellow fever whilst out there, which hit her very badly, out of the blue, a couple of months after her return home. Doctors in the West did not know what to do about it. They told her, in Annie’s presence, that she needed to stay in a hospital for tropical disease for some time and, after that, not return to work, but stay home and be looked after others. They told her that all young children should not be in close contact with her and that Annie was safer staying elsewhere for the time-being.

This as the earliest memory that Annie had of her life. Seeing her mother fall ill, see her crippled in hospital bed and being taken away from her. Now at the age of seven, Annie often wondered how big an influence the earliest conscious memory of one’s life had on the rest of one’s life. Did this early hospital memory haunt her and did it determine who she was today? What if her earliest memory was of more loving kind, of her parents happily taking her on a holiday or to an amusement park, or Annie happily playing with her friends? Perhaps she would have turned into a very different person under those circumstances.

But now Annie had a new family. Her cousin Maria had taken her under her wing and Annie had become a sister to all of her cousin’s children. There were five of them, two brothers and two sisters. They all welcomed Annie to the family wholeheartedly and she instantly blended in. Despite the warm reception and the regular visits by her farther who would tell her stories about her mother, Annie always felt guilt about imposing herself on this other family. She had not been born into the family, yet here she was, pretending to be one of them. How could she ever fully repay them everything they had done for her? Without them, she would have been left all on her own, with an ill mother and a farther who was too busy working and looking after her mother to pay much attention to her.

As Annie grew up, she made a conscious effort to help around the house as much as she could. She started off by helping Maria in the kitchen with washing the dishes, setting the table for dinner, helping to peel vegetables and mopping the floor. She had a wonderful time with Maria as they carried out their chores. Maria told her about her wedding day, about having started a family, about moving to this new house, and about how her life had been before meeting Steven. Annie listened to all these stories with interest and felt like she got to know Maria in a very new way. Maria was only in her mid-twenties, yet she had so much life-experience under her belt.

‘You’ll see, Annie’, Maria said and giggled. ‘You’ll see how much a woman can change when they meet the person they want to be with. Having said that, deep down, you don’t change at all. As long as you remain true to your heart and hold strong values and beliefs that you stick to throughout your life, you can handle anything and you can find yourself in any life situation and still know how to come out of it as a better person.’

Annie was fascinated by the wisdom that she was learning from Maria.

‘What has been the most life-changing moment for you?’ Annie asked Maria as they cut potatoes into small pieces for a potato gratin.

Maria was quiet for a while and seemed to really think over the question.

‘I would say the most life-changing moment was when I realised that I have it all within me and all I have to do is be myself and everything will turn out fine.’ Maria took Annie’s face into her hands. ‘Keep that in mind, dear Annie, and don’t ever change for anyone, don’t ever think that you are not enough as you are.’

They stayed silent for a moment, with the warmth from Maria’s hands radiating into Annie’s face. Annie felt a new kind of stronger bond with Maria that, she found out in the years to come, carried on throughout the rest of her life.

When Annie turned five, she extended her helping hand to the neighbours. Mrs MacSmith who lived in the old wooden house to the left of their home was nearing seventy and did not have the stamina to tend to her garden properly any longer. One morning Annie spotted Mrs MacSmith sitting on her porch, looking sad.

‘Good morning, Mrs MacSmith’, Annie said cheerfully. ‘How are you this morning?’

Mrs MacSmith looked at Annie with wide sad eyes. ‘Oh Annie, I wish I was still young like you and had the stamina to run around and do what I like.’ Mr MacSmith pointed to the patch of pink and violet flowers in the end of her garden. ‘I need to cut and water the flowers, but I just don’t have the strength to walk over there and do it all.’

Annie looked at the pretty flowers and saw that they really needed water in order to flourish once again.

‘I can do that’, Annie offered. ‘I would be happy to water them and to cut them. I would like to make them look pretty for you again.’

Mrs MacSmith looked at Anne and a smile slowly spread over her face. ‘Oh Annie, you are such a sweetheart. Would you really do that for me? I will give you milk and cookies after.’

Annie squeezed Mrs MacSmith’s hand and took the watering hose from her. ‘Any time, I can help you.’

And so she did. From that day on, Annie paid a regular visit to Mrs MacSmith’s house and helped her with all kids of chores around the house and the garden.

The days at school were still pretty short for Annie and so she had time for other activities in the afternoons. Maria and Steven were at work and their children were older than Annie and so they had longer days at school. The afternoons really dragged on for Annie. She read a lot of books, watched comedy series on TV and went for walks, she watered Mrs MacSmith’s garden and tidied up the house. Still, she had time to kill before anyone else would come home.

Annie decided to ask her classmates friends if they needed help with anything. This would give her something to do during the long afternoons, as well as give her a sense of purpose. Annie found that she always felt a kick of happiness whenever she helped others. She felt that this was her mission on this earth, to help others and to serve others.

Annie’s classmate Sarah was not advanced in Mathematics and asked Annie to help her with that. Twice a week Annie would go to Sarah’s house and they would look through a week’s worth of Maths schoolwork. In the end of the school term, Sarah had progressed from C to B+. She was over the moon.

‘Annie, without your help, I would not have gotten to where I am now’, she hugged Annie. ‘You are a true angel. Let’s go and celebrate with an ice-cream.’

Annie’s friend Mattie from down the road asked Annie to help with walking his dogs after school. Annie would leave school with Mattie every day and they would take the dogs out for a half-hour walk. Mattie’s family had four tiny and furry dogs. They barked and ran around a lot.

‘When I am on my own with the dogs, it becomes tricky’, Mattie explained to Annie as they took the dogs to a nearby park. ‘They jump around and it is easy to lose sight of one of them.’

Annie thoroughly enjoyed walking the dogs. She felt that she got a lot of energy out of seeing them jump around and being in the greenery in the park made her feel refreshed. Mattie was gentle and calm company and really seemed to appreciate Annie’s help and presence.

One evening Annie was lying down on her bed, reading a book, when Steven knocked on her door and walked in. He sat down next to Annie on her bed.

‘Annie darling, I would like to talk to you about something’, Steven said hesitantly. ‘Maria and I are a little bit worried that you are spending too much time helping other people. That’s all you seem to be doing. You help all of us here at this house, you help the neighbours, you help your friends and classmates. We are worried that people are taking advantage of your good heart and not fully appreciating what you are doing for them. Please, Annie, make sure that people don’t use you and you know when to stop helping them.’

Steven look at Annie intently. Annie felt a sudden surge of irritation rise inside her.

‘Steven, I appreciate your concern and I understand why you would feel concerned’, she said and took a deep breath. ‘But this is what I want to do. I want to help others. I want to be there for others. I feel good and I feel that I am myself when I do that. I am the happiest when I am helping others. I know that they don’t always appreciate what I am doing as much as they could. But I know that when I stop doing it, they will see everything that I have done for them. I am not doing this to seek any kind of acknowledgement. I am doing this because I feel that this is what I am meant to be doing here on this earth. And I think that, if more people were willing to help others, we would not have as many problems on this planet of ours.’

Steven sat in silence for a while. He seemed to be reflecting on what Annie had told him. The he kissed Annie’s forehead and walked out of the room. Annie lay there in the dark for a long while before falling asleep.

Just before falling asleep, in that state between consciousness and unconsciousness, Annie thought that people were selfish. First and foremost, they would always think about their own benefit in everything and only then others. Annie would never want to become like them and, just before sleep crept over her, she vowed to stay as she was and to follow Maria’s advice on staying true to her heart.